i just had sex bonerless
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
