I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
