Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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