I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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