i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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