Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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