Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Michael Bay diarrhea
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Randomize
