i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
