too bad you live with your parents still
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
