Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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