I accidentally had phone sex last night
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
