i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
