i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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