i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
