i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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