All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
