Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
