I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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