he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
