your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
