Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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