i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
