my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
