Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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