I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He better not be in your backpack
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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