I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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