You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
