Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
