what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
