allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
