I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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