i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
