Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
