And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
