OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize