Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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