mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
