4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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