Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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