I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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