Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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