Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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