summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
the day after is always just damage control
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
