Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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