How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
