is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
