There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
