You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
