Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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