yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
