Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Someone signed my nipple.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
