im six kinds of drunk right now
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
