so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
