I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
