im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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