i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
