I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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