I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
