11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
third nipple confirmed
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
