Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
