Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
