I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
