I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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