they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
my phone needs a breathalizer
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
