apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
