mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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