i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
