If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
