There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
