Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
