I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
