I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
