Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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