My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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