Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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