I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
So many bounce houses so little time
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize