you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
