We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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