I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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