You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
