Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
