And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
