Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
