remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
