I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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