My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
