You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
