i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
