i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Randomize
