I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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