Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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