Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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