my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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