Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
