He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
