you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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